Dating a chinese american man
In doing so, the interviewer proclaimed, she would “decolonize her desire” and “fight back against centuries of racist U. policies and Western colonization.” As I listened to this interviewee and her self-congratulating, patronizing, “woke” mission, I felt shaken awake: What in the world is going on?
Have we really come down to this—marking racial check boxes in our romantic pursuits?
Suddenly, I had to bear the weight of bulky terms such as “Asian fetish,” “white worshiping,” “colonial mentality,” and “internalized racism”—terms that, frankly, don’t describe my relationship with David, or the relationships of other interracial couples I know.
When I mentioned the Asian female stereotype to David, he laughed: “That’s crazy.
at least, not until I started receiving comments whenever I mentioned that David’s previous girlfriend was also Korean American. Each time, I instinctively became defensive, and I would hasten to add, “Well, he’s dated white and Latina women too …” Even as I said that, I got annoyed at having to respond to such comments.
But I can’t deny that these interactions always left me with a strong distaste—the sort that clenched my stomach and shrunk my heart. I understood why I would get irritated when people imply that a man would find me attractive simply because I’m Asian. So I’m in love with a white guy—what’s fearful and shameful about that?
It’s a divisive issue fraught with emotion and misunderstanding, and weighed down with historical, cultural, and social baggage.
Nowhere in that interview did I hear her talk about being equally yoked or seeking commitment, mutual respect and trust, sacrificial love, and open communication.